graduation day

So last Monday was a rough day. It wasn´t really one thing in particular, just a culmination of things really. Milo and i had been trying to get together a group of kids to do some activities like make recycled paper and stuff, but only one girl showed up. I wasn´t really surprised. i had left milo in charge of some things since i wasn´t going to be coming into the office because of thanksgiving. He didn´t get everything done, not that i neccessarily think it would have mattered all that much. Edwin and sindy had trainings all week, milo had an exam in the afternoon and carlos had to go to jutiapa. So i had to stay in the office by myself during the afternoon without much to do. I felt like it was a waste of my time especially given all the grad school app stuff i still have to do. I called noel to ask him what his holiday plans were. I´ll probaby end up going to mirna´s house in san luis about 20 minutes away for xmas dinner and I´d been thinking about going to lanquín with mirna and some other people to visit gabriel. It wasn´t exactly what i thought i´d be doing; i´d wanted to travel, but don´t have anyone to travel with. And traveling by myself at christmas and new years doesn´t sound all that great. But neither does sticking around ipala. Anyway i wanted to see if noel was going to lanquín because if he was, i was going to make other plans. He said that he hadn´t really thought much about it but that if i wanted to go to lanquín i should. Want he really wants to do is travel to mexico but he doesn´t have anyone to go with, so he might just stick around his site. Sounds familiar and it made me sad to see that we´re both in the same situation. I closed the office around 4 and did some errands. I stopped by my friend´s house to pick up my laundry. She was sad and crying. She´s still involved with her ex-boyfriend, but had been hanging out with this other guy. The two men got in a fight and her ex-boyfriend got a black eye. I tried to tell her that she can´t keep repeating this same cycle and needs to make a clean break. But she doesn´t want to hear it and it makes me sad and disappointed. Then a couple houses down this group of wasted guys showed up (6 o´clock on a Monday) and a woman started fighting with them. She was yelling and a young boy was hysterical, screaming and crying. They came into the street and a man pushed the woman, knocking her to the street. People were watching but nobody did anything to help her. The kid started crying harder. I asked my friends if the woman didn´t have anybody she could call for help. They just laughed at how upset i was. This has happened to me before with them, when i´ve told them stories of getting pick-pocketed or my peace corps friends getting robbed at gun or knife point, they just laugh. I know people and culures have different ways of dealing (or not dealing) with serious things like violence, but it´s really disconcerting that people would laugh at situations like these. I know i´m not an expert and of course my generalizations don´t apply to everyone, like my friends at adiso, but guatemalans have very little respect for themselves or for each other. There i said it. From laughing about domestic violence that happens in the street in front of everyone to the machismo and slutty clothes of the oriente. Hace falta el respeto. So i ran away to antigua on Tuesday to pick up my letters of rec from the country director and hang out with some pc friends. i came back on Thursday, happy to be home, but plagued by more disappointments. This is the cycle of my life. i look forward to coming back to ipala, enjoy my time here, but then something will happen and i can´t wait to travel to antigua or visit a pc friend. Then i´ll get tired of all the bs of traveling and being away from home and run back to ipala. I can´t wait to be someplace where i´m not just waiting for the bomb to drop that will make me want to escape it.

Today (Saturday) was a nice day. I slept in a bit. The metal workshop woke me up at 7 am as usual. Today they did a lot of painting and the paint fumes were really bombarding my house. I burned some incense and lit some candles to mask it but kept thinking about the lung damage i´ve had over the past 22 months of living in guatemala. I got dressed up and walked to the office around noon. Dra. Yulma was having an inaguational lunch at this sala she and her husband built just outside of ipala. Carlos called and was on his way. Only he and i were going to go so we hopped on his moto and zipped off. I was a little worried about my dress flying up over my face, but it was smooth sailing. We arrived at the sala. It´s really nice and i didn´t feel like i was in ipala. There were a ton of tables and chairs, all covered in white cloth. There was a dj and a live marimba band. Carols and i went and sat down by ourselves at a table. I felt like i was at prom or something, it was such a surreal setting. The sala began to fill up with the who´s who´s of ipala – the mayor, doctors, businessmen, etc. Adiso got invited because the dra. Used to be the presidenta de la junta directive (board of directors). Anyway, carlos and i had a nice chat. I hadn´t really hung out with him outside of the office. I really like him a lot. He´s done well in his first couple months as executive director. He´s 26 and i honestly don´t have very many friends my own age - they´re all children, significantely older, or 20 or 21. it makes a big difference. I think we get a long so well because we´re the same age and because we have a similar sense of humor, something that´s really hard for me to find here. Anyway more people came and sat at the table, including edwin; an hour or so later there was the pocas palabras and cutting of the ribbon. then lunch was served and a bottle of johnny walker red label was placed on every table. This is pretty common here. Whisky and mineral water. I don´t care for it, but i can drink it when i put my mind to it. Carlos offered me the bottle so i poured myself a drink. I usually don´t drink in my site in public because i don´t think it looks that great, but honestly i have 4 months to go, i have confianza with the people with i was drinking with, and i´m not going to not drink just because i´m female. Lunch was very nice and very meaty. Carlos continued to pour himself another drink, and another. Luckily we were only about 2 minutes outside of ipala and in no hurry to get home. Just as they had come in, people started to file out. I think about seven people told me ¨que linda, no te reconocí, te van a robar, que hermosa, te enamoré¨ or other such compliments. I mean honestly people, all i did was put on a dress and mascara, and comb my hair. No need to freak out. I continued to be embarassed everytime someone told me how pretty i looked because i don´t really know how to take sincere compliments anymore - i recieve them so rarely - and because carlos was sitting there hearing every one of them. He had told me that i look nice in pink. Since he has a girlfriend of 3 years, i think that´s the closest he can get to complimenting another woman who isn´t a relative. I mean i know i don´t usually try very hard here because i don´t want the attention - especially the whistling, cat-calling, chuching, and ass grabing. But do i really usually look that bad? Maybe i´ll start putting forth a little more effort. Nah. So carlos sobers up (he was blaming the wind for feeling a little tipsy) and we headed out. I was bummed that i didn´t get to dance, but the marimba music had taken over and i don´t know how to dance to marimba nor do i want to learn. He dropped me off at home. It was such a nice afternoon i didn´t want it to end; it just made me realize how infrequently i participate in social events where i actually enjoy myself. Maybe when i finish my apps i´ll start getting out a little more. I doubt it.

4.5 months to go. If you haven´t bought your guate ticket yet, better get on it!!

on the way here i got invited to a graduation ceremony that starts at 5. guess i´ll have to dust off the dress shoes one more time. and also somebody came by the house asking for help translating english class homework. for some reason this has happened to me a lot lately. but the thing is, they don`t want help. they want me to do it for them. they show up, having not even started, without a dictionary, saying they need help or don`t understand. i told him i was on my way out but he could stop by later in the afternoon and i asked him if he had a dictionary. he´s not going to be very happy when i make him look up all the words he doesn`t know (in my dictionary if he doesn`t bring his) instead of doing it for him. asì es.